At the beginning of 2017, I was feeling a mixture of sadness and optimism. I was, like most sane people, quite depressed about Trump winning. But I had also more positive feelings about my personal life. I was finally on T, soon to have top surgery and I was thinking that this would be the year I would be able to start living as myself.
My body had other plans, it seems. As the endocrinologist noticed, my body doesn’t seem to be taking up the testosterone as it should. Result: after top surgery and over a year on T, I still don’t pass most of the time. I definitely don’t pass enough to date as a guy, take my shirt off in public (hence why I’ve abandoned my plans to swim shirtless on my upcoming sunny vacation) or even use the men’s room without getting strange looks.
Hopefully, things will get better in 2018 but I’m not optimistic enough to make a long list of plans like I did last year.
All I can say is that I’ll work on finishing my fantasy trilogy, continue writing on my new novel project and start looking for a publisher. I self-published my fantasy series because at the time I started writing it, it was supposed to be a side project while I focused on my university studies. But since I’ve since had to drop out for health reasons, I’m going all in on the writing thing.
Anyway, here’s what happened with my plans for 2017:
Have top surgery. Check! One of the good things that happened this year.
After healing from top surgery, get back to the gym and make some GAINS! Nope. When I made this list I did was I always fucking do whenever I have even the slightest spike in energy: Make up plans I’ll never be able to actually go through with. At least this year I found out the reason I’ve struggled with fatigue for so many years (see previous post).
Get a haircut at a real barber shop. Nope. On count of not being able to pass yet.
Go to the beach and swim with my shirt off. Nope.
Walk in the 2017 Pride parade with my shirt off. Nope. And I’m probably not going to a Pride again any time soon. There’s always some weirdos dressed up like BDSM-horses (don’t ask) or whatever and making us all look like a bunch of exhibitionist perverts. Kinda sick of it.
Run in the summer rain with my shirt off. Nope.
Get my own apartment. Nope. The housing crisis in this country is insane. I must have applied to several hundreds apartments and got invited to see one, which I didn’t get.
(If I get my own apartment) Adopt an animal from a shelter. Nope.
Find a boyfriend. Nope. Just going to go ahead and stop putting that on my to-do lists ‘cause it’s just depressing when I can’t check it off every year.
Apply to school program to become a web developer and, if I get in, start my education + Learn as much HTML and other programming languages before starting school. Nope. I was going to apply to the program when I realised I was missing a credential, a course I haven’t taken. So I decided, fuck it. I’ve also found another program which suits me better and which I might apply to the coming year.
Reach 1000 followers on Twitter. Nope.
If I reach 1000 followers on Twitter, start an author Facebook page. Nope. I didn’t even go up to 500 but I’m still planning to make a Facebook page, for publicity and bookselling numbers’ sake.
Finish writing part 2 of The Sorcerer’s Sword and publish it. Check!
Get a traditional shaving kit that is also vegan. I really tried to get into traditional wet shaving but those razors don’t work for me at all. I’ll probably just buy an electric shaver once I’ve used up all those disposable razors I have at home.
I did find two products I really like. The first is this synthetic shaving brush and the other is this super smooth shaving cream. So there are definitely some great vegan shaving options out there.
I also learned how to make my own aftershave with 50% water and 50% apple cider vinegar. Before I started using this mixture, I would break out like crazy whenever I shaved. I tried different brands of aftershave but nothing helped. Now I hardly ever get any blemishes.
Start my secret blogging project 😉 Check! My project to read a book from every country and blog about it has to be one of the most interesting things I’ve done and I’m really enjoying it.
Visit the US for the first time. Nope. Those plans got cancelled, unfortunately.
Get my DNA tested for ancestry and genetic information such as predisposition for certain illnesses. Check! My post about my experience with 23&Me.
Continue to support the resistance movement against the fascist orange Cheeto. Check. Luckily, Trump hasn’t (yet) been able to change things enough to become the Putin style dictator he dreams of being but he still has fucked up a lot of things and then there’s at least three more years of this fucking nonsense to go…
Not much I can do about it but I’ll continue helping out the American resistance however I can.
See Star Wars episode 8 in December! Check! It wasn’t everything I dreamed of but overall I liked it.