When you’re gay and don’t fit into gay culture…

Since I’ve started passing more frequently as male, I have gathered my courage and taken my first step into the gay male scene… and discovered I can’t relate to it at all. Well, except for the whole liking guys thing.

As I’m not much for gay bars and partying, I’ve been looking around for different gay clubs and organisations in my area. Turns out most have something to do with either sex/fetischism or some endeavour like drag and other stereotypically “gay” things.

I did find this one club for bears and other masculinity-embracing men but I learned they’re in the process of closing it down due to a lack of interest. I kept looking for another place I felt I could fit into but came up empty. Why is it so hard to find somewhere I can be just a guy who likes guys without having to pretend to be more flamboyant and sexual than I am?

What kind of bothers me too is the values you’re supposed to have to be “a true gay”. If you’re not a left-leaning, anti-capitalist, “sex and kink positive”, “body positive”, intersectionalist-of-many-buzzwords person, then you’re just not one of them. Because you know, gay is obviously not a synonym for homosexual but a collection of arbitrary opinions and beliefs…

So, as a center-right liberal conservative who has little interest in casual sex and who on top of that is not like those funny fashionable gays on TV I kind of feel out of place in the mainstream gay community.

Maybe I’ve been looking at this all wrong. What I’ve been searching for is “my tribe”, so to speak. But does that have to be somewhere my sexuality would be even relevant? There are plenty of places a guy can be himself regardless of what gender he loves.

Maybe an environmental organisations could be a place for me? I have become very passionate about climate issues lately so that is highly relevant to my interests.

And when it comes to dating I guess I’ll try one of those serious dating websites and keep looking for Mister Right.



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