Unexpected good news!

In my last post I wrote about how I would have to delay the release of my book due to reasons related to my legal name change. I wrote that my demand of name change could take up to two months to get approved. Well it turns out it went much faster than I anticipated and I received my approval just two days ago!

This means I will probably release my book sometimes during the month of April. I initially expected to publish it in the beginning of the month but an unexpected bout of writer’s block has made me stagger behind on my writing schedule. Still, I will try my best to finish the book as soon as I can.

I’m looking forward to share my work and I’m also very happy to finally have a name that matches who I am in my passport. Now I just need to change that F to a M.


The release of my first book will have to be slightly delayed

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I am currently working on my first queer fantasy series. While I am now almost finished with writing the first part, I will unfortunately have to delay the release of it.

The reason for this is that I’m currently in the process of changing my legal name and since I have to fill a special tax form for the website I will publish my ebooks through, I want to wait until my name change is done so that the right name will be on the form.

I sent my demand of legal name change about a week ago and I don’t know exactly how long it will take before it is approved, but it usually takes up to two months.

In the mean while I will continue to work on my series and perhaps begin to write part 2. I also have several interesting ideas for blog topics I want to write about.

I am working on some art inspired by my book that I will show you all soon, so that you can get a glimpse of what the story will be about.

So I still have some interesting projects coming up. Feel free to subscribe to know more about it. 🙂

Transition update: good news and bad news

Today I received very good news: I got my official diagnosis of transsexualism. This means I am now approved for starting the medical part of my transition.

Which brings me to some bad news I got last week: I might have to wait up to eight months before I get to start T and have top surgery.

I have previously been told that I would get to start T in late spring or early summer. But as the Swedish trans healthcare is grossly understaffed and underfunded, the waiting lists just keep getting longer and longer. Right now there is for example only one endocrinologist who works only once a week and who has over 1000 trans patients, not to mention all of her non-trans patients.

This is incredibly frustrating but I’m not going to despair. Instead I want to focus on positive things, such as my writing, while I wait to finally start my physical transition. I also have other things to look forward to this summer like the annual Pride festival and a possible road trip I might go on with some good friends.

As some of you might know I am also in the process of freezing my eggs and I’m hopeful I will get it done before I start taking testosterone.

So yeah, I’m really really bummed out right now but I’m feel pretty okay.

Plastic Man: A poem about depersonalization

I’ve been experiencing kind of a writer’s block the last couple of days mainly due to anxiety, which  often sends me into a state of depersonalization.

If you don’t know what depersonalization is: it’s a feeling of unrealness, like if the world around you isn’t real and you’re not real. It’s basically a feeling of extreme emotional numbness.

It usually goes away for me after a while. I just need a couple of days to get out of it and then hopefully I’ll be able to continue working on my book again.

I did manage to get something down on paper. A poem about my experience with depersonalization. Here it goes:


Plastic Man 

Plastic man
On board game streets
I walk alone
And flash a smile
A plastic smile
At someone passing me by

The sigh is dull
Black and white
Like the photograph
Of days long past

My skin is cold
Smooth, icy
Rubber skin
That feels nothing

But still I smile
With a nod and a bow
At whoever demands

Social butterfly
Cirkus monkey
I am
Whatever they wish

I do my tricks
Follow the script
Don’t make a fuss

“Here’s a peanut,
Good monkey!”

But I am a man
A plastic man
With a rubber soul
Polymer veins

I bend every which way
Under their hands
And their demands

I am a rubber man
A plastic man
Cold and smooth
As you want me to be.

A tip for writers with ADD/ADHD

One of the biggest challenges I have as an aspiring writer is to keep focus when I write. This is mainly due to the fact that I have ADD, which makes it hard for me to concentrate on tasks. Whatever I do, even if it’s something I like, I have a hard time doing it for more than five minutes without getting restless.

Over the years I’ve come up with different strategies to deal with my short attention span. One of those that work best for me, especially when writing, is the one I will explain in this post.

But first of all , a disclaimer: When it comes to how people deal with ADD/ADHD, everyone is different. What works for one person might not work at all for someone else. This strategy works for me and hopefully it will for you but there is no guarantee.

Moving on. So this strategy I have when writing is actually inspired by what a guy with ADHD once told me about how he gets tasks done despite having a very short attention span.

He said that he tries to do things in 15-minutes period. If for example he needs to do the dishes and do his taxes, he just switches between these two tasks every 15 minutes so that he doesn’t get bored. That way he actually gets things done and he has increased his productivity in every area of his life.

Inspired by his idea of doing things in short intervals I came up with my own way of increasing my writing productivity. But first let me explain how I used to write:

I would sit down in front of my computer and try to focus all my energy on my writing until I got at least one page down. Usually it ended with me getting very restless after having written down between one fourth to half a page and then I would be so utterly frustrated with the whole thing that I didn’t write anything more for the rest of the day.

Then I decided to try to do things in intervals. So here is how I write now:

First I sit in front of my computer and open the Word document I’m working on. I focus on writing three paragrafs and then I do something else that takes a short period of time. It can be something like doing the dishes, walking the dog, doing jumping jacks etc.

I’ve found that it’s best if it’s something active rather than passive. If you read a book or watch funny cat videos, it’s more likely that you will become sluggish and distracted. But doing something more active like exercising or playing games will get you going and also boost dopamine, which is the very brain substance people with ADHD/ADD have too little of.

When I’m done doing that other thing I go back to writing. I write three paragrafs, then I do something else again. I kept intervaling like that until I’ve reached my daily goal of writing one page.

My writing productivity has definitely increased since I started to do things this way. Now I have very little trouble sticking to my writing schedule and sometimes I even write more than I planned.

I really like this strategy because you can adapt it after your own personality and attention span. Feel free to try it and tell me in the comments how it works for you! 🙂